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  “I’m perfectly fine.” I answered. At that time, I definitely wanted the day to be over.

  The class played volleyball. They didn’t have to run before the games began since it was the first day of school. I sat on the bleachers and watched. It was girls against girls, guys against guys. My eyes only focused on the guys. And more and more, I caught myself just watching Masin. By the end of the class, I was fascinated by Masin and his volleyball skills, but I was also ready to be home. My nose was throbbing, I was exhausted, and I couldn’t wait to change back into my clothes. After, I changed out my P.E clothes I headed out to the car. Me, Will, and Kiley had to wait an extra fifteen minutes for Sam. I was super angry. I couldn’t deal with the pain from my nose and I had forgotten to take my pain meds at lunch, which made it even worse. Pain also made me very grumpy. I remembered that I had an extra set of keys to her car with me, so, I felt like just leaving her and making her walk home, but I knew that wouldn’t set well with mom or Sam. It would also be a bad influence for Will and Kiley. So, I just angrily waited. When she did get in the car, I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to say anything I would regret. When we got home, I basically jumped out of the car while it was still moving to run inside and get my pain meds.

  Mom was still at work, so I decided to go to the store and get groceries and school supplies my teachers told me to get after I let the medication set in. The whole drive to the store I thought about Masin. I couldn’t get his smile, his eyes, and his voice out of my mind. He was so beautiful. It just wasn’t fair. I parked the car farther out and headed for the school supplies section. I texted Sam to see if she needed anything while I was there. I grabbed three binders-blue, pink, and black, and four random notebooks. I grabbed Sam’s things next, then headed for the food market. I turned the corner in a rush. I was ready to be done at the store and to be home. I had already picked out four boxes of sugar cereal and a couple healthy brand kind, milk, fruit, and bread. I was on my way over to the drinks. Being in a rush, I hit a person going around the corner.

  “I’m so sorry!” I exclaimed. I felt bad, and, also, embarrassed. I then saw it was Masin. I felt even worse.

  “It’s okay, it didn’t hurt at all.” He said. He even chuckled.

  “I was in a rush and…”

  “Kallie, it really is okay.” He said interrupting me. He remembered my name. I suddenly felt gushy inside. I smiled. I followed his eyes that were looking in my cart. “Is this all for you?”

  “No! It’s for my…it’s for my siblings.” I stuttered.

  He laughed. “I figured. Nobody could eat that much and be your size.”

  I thought about Taylor when he said that. Actually yes, somebody could. Taylor could eat this much in a few days and she’s my size.

  I smiled thinking about what I should say. I didn’t know if I should’ve kept going with the subject we were on or change it. “Funny seeing you here.” I randomly blurted out. I couldn’t help it. Whenever I was around him, I couldn’t think of anything to say without sounding stupid. He looked at me a little confused. “Because it’s a small town. So, it’s not really that funny seeing you here. I was just being sarcastic.” I paused. “I was just kidding.” I noticed how much my tone lowered, saying those last few words. I was too embarrassed to even talk straight. He just smiled. “I’m just gonna go.” I said turning around, my embarrassment getting the best of me.

  “Kallie?”

  I turned around. “Yes?”

  “You’re cute when you’re embarrassed, but there’s no need to be.” He said. I couldn’t say anything. I just smiled and nodded my head okay like an idiot. I waved goodbye and kept walking.

  I decided to just check out and go home. The butterflies in my stomach were making me sick. I couldn’t stop smiling. People were looking at me like I was crazy. I probably looked like it. I was just walking around smiling nonstop. I rushed out to the car after the lady at the cash register bagged my groceries. As soon as I got in the car I called Marlee. I told her everything that was said between Masin and I.

  “What kind of food was in his cart?” She asked.

  “What kind of question is that?”

  “Just wondering what kind of food he likes.” She said.

  I thought about it for a minute. To think of it, I didn’t even remember him having a cart. Or anything in his hands at all. I ignored her question and got off the phone because I was pulling in the driveway and saw mom’s car. It made me happy knowing that she was finally home. I unloaded the groceries and piled them in the kitchen where my mom was cleaning up. I looked at the time. Everybody had already eaten while I was gone. I was amazed at how fast the time had flown by. I sat down at the table where there was a plate full of food left for me- fried chicken, mashed potatoes, homemade gravy, and salad. I dove in and enjoyed every bite.

  “How was school?” My mom asked.

  “Not that bad actually.” I answered honestly. “I have something to ask you, though.” She looked at me with concern on her face. “Is it alright if I drive my own car to school?”

  “Well, sure. How come?” The concern look left her face after hearing my question.

  “Sam. She takes forever to get home and I don’t like waiting for her in the morning. It gives me anxiety.” I said. “Also, can I still tryout for volleyball?” I asked moving to the next question in a hurry. I wanted to see if my mom would even let me try out before I spent hours of determining if I wanted to try out or not.

  “Of course.”

  For some reason I thought she wasn’t going to let me because of my nose. Now it was really my decision. That added stress and anxiety. I smiled and put my empty plate in the dish washer. I grabbed my new school supplies and took them up to my room. I took another pain med and it soon made me feel tired. I brushed my teeth and splashed my face with water. My nose and the areas around it were too sensitive to scrub with a wash rag. I crawled into my bed and turned my TV on. The thought of school the next day didn’t even make me cringe like I thought it would. I didn’t necessarily want to go, but I, also, wasn’t dreading it. And for the first night in a long time, I actually felt okay. Masin really had an impact on my mood, which had never happened before with another guy.

  Four

  I woke up with a start and headed straight for the shower. The warm water felt satisfying. Throughout my time in the shower, I didn’t have one negative thought about school. Even a month before school started my thoughts were negative when I thought about it. I was ready to end that habit. I decided to curl my hair. Since I had a broken nose, I needed to look somewhat cute. Curly hair would meet those deeds. I pulled back a strand of hair in the front, and bobby pinned it to the side. I put on a scarlet red shirt, with a long, grey sweater over it. It looked like it was going to be a chilly day. With it, I wore dark skinny jeans with my grey sheepskin boots to keep my feet warm.

  I was the first one down, again. Of course, I didn’t have to dress Kiley and do her hair like Sam, though and Will was just playing video games. I took my pain med and opened a new box of cereal. It was a sugary kind. I felt happy and motivated, so I fixed eggs for everybody. Before I took my pain med, I didn’t even feel the pain from my nose. I didn’t even think about my nose. I had other things on my mind. I had him on my mind. I only remembered to take them because my mom had laid it out on the counter for me. I ate my cereal slowly, taking my time because I didn’t want to get to school too early. The other kids were running slow also, so once I finished my breakfast, I put Salem and Lila up. I was right for wearing a warmer outfit. It was cold out. It was extremely foggy, just like the day before. It seemed like a week or two before school started it got colder and more foggy than usual. Each day just got worse, too.

  I got in my 2012 silver car- the car I got to drive all by myself. Meaning, I could listen to whatever music at any volume without any complaints from my siblings. Today felt like it was going to be a good day. I parked in the high school parking lot by some other cars and walked in. Th
ere was still fifteen minutes until class. I walked over to my locker and saw Marlee and Taylor standing by theirs. I walked over to them and filled Taylor in about Masin and the store incident and the endless butterflies.

  “Wait, you like Masin?” Taylor asked appalled.

  “I think he’s cute. I don’t like him, though.” I said.

  “He is horrible looking!” Taylor exclaimed. I looked at her like she was crazy. Same with Marlee.

  “Are we talking about the same person?” Asked Marlee.

  “Masin, the one who sat by you in first hour, right?” Marlee and I both nodded our heads yes. “He’s pale white, it looks like his lips and eyes are painted on. His eyes are dark blue that they’re just plain out scary, and he looks like he’s in pain at all times.”

  “You have to be talking about somebody else.” I said. “He looks nothing like that.” My mind then went back to his image, and I smiled in my head. “You described a completely different person. You didn’t even describe anybody that looks that way in the whole school.

  “Masin looks exactly like that! How could you say otherwise?”

  Marlee and Taylor then started fighting. Nothing too serious. No hurt feelings. But I could tell they were getting upset with each other. I stood in the middle of them. I grabbed their hands and pulled them off to class. They argued over me- I ignored them. On the long, and loud walk I asked myself why Taylor thought he looked like that. Clearly none of the other girls in my classes thought so because whenever they saw him, they drooled over him. He was going to cause some serious friend fights. He was the guy girls ruin their friendships over. Everybody herded into class and Marlee and Taylor lowered their voices to a whisper. I walked in and saw him in the same spot as yesterday. Butterflies filled my stomach once again. I sat down in the desk I sat in the day before. Maybe sitting in the exact same seats was going to become a habit and I would get to sit by him every day. That wasn’t such a bad thought. It actually made me smile. Marlee and Taylor had finally shut up.

  “Funny seeing you here.” He said, mocking me from yesterday at the store.

  I laughed. A boy with a sense of humor was always a plus. “That sarcasm fits better with this situation since it really isn’t funny seeing me here because we have the same class…” I paused and didn’t finish my sentence. I was babbling unnecessary words.

  “Yes, I understand the concept.” He said. I felt senseless, but at least he was smiling, which made everything better.

  I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to keep on talking, but my mind was blank. That irritated me. Why couldn’t I just come up with a simple conversation that I could engage in without stuttering and blabbering on irrelevant words? I thought for a moment, thinking about what I could ask. “Why did you move to Shadow Beach, Oregon?”

  “My parents made the decision in a spur of the moment.”

  “Never heard that as a reason before. Usually, it’s because one of the parents got a new job or their job moved them. Sometimes it’s because the grandparents are sick, and need taken care of. Or sometimes…”

  “No, it wasn’t any of those reasons.”

  “What do your parents do for work?” I asked. Talking about parents getting new jobs made me think of the question. Maybe blabbering on wasn’t so bad after all. At least I was keeping the conversation going.

  “My father is an EMT. My mother doesn’t work.” He answered.

  “An EMT! That’s great!”

  He nodded his head, agreeing with me. “Why do you go to this school? Why not a better, bigger one like River Bench? It’s only fifteen minutes from here. You get here fifteen minutes early, anyways. That fifteen minutes could be your drive there.”

  “How do you know how early I get here?”

  “I just noticed today. I figured that’s what you normally do.”

  Did that mean he heard the conversation between me, Taylor, and Marlee earlier then? I didn’t even see him. How early did he get to the school?

  “I didn’t notice you earlier. Where were you?”

  “You have to answer my question first.”

  I had totally forgotten about the question before mine. “I guess my parents just decided to put me in this school. I grew up with Marlee and Taylor and I wouldn’t want to leave them if I had the choice.” I looked at him and our eyes locked to each other’s. My heart was pounding. He was looking at me with an intense look. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Sorry.” He quietly and plainly said, avoiding my question.

  He didn’t say anything after that and neither did I. I just doodled for the rest of the hour. When the bell rang, I jumped. I had zoned out. I looked at my paper. I immediately closed my notebook. I was drawing mini m’s. I hoped Masin hadn’t seen. Why was I drawing those? I’ve never drawn another guy’s initial before. Maybe it was just because he was constantly on my mind and my mind decided to draw it out. Whatever the reason was made me agitated. I was starting to think maybe I did like him.

  The next couple of classes Masin and I exchanged little talk. We talked about our hobbies and interests. I told him the sports I played and how I wanted to be a photographer. He didn’t say much. He did more of the asking than I did. Finally, it was fourth hour. One more class until lunch. I was hungry and in need of my pain meds. Walking in, I overheard some girls talking about how this guy named Zack was throwing his usual back to school party that coming weekend. Masin sat behind me.

  I turned around. “There’s a party this weekend at Zack Burton’s house. It’s his usual back to school party he throws every year. There’s a whole lot of stuff to do there. Do you want to come?” I asked. I felt anxious. It wasn’t normal of me to have the confidence to ask a guy to go to a party with me, especially a jaw dropping cute guy. I really wanted him to say yes.

  “I’d rather not.”

  His words pounded me in the chest. I was right when I told Marlee he didn’t like me. Warmth filled my body from embarrassment. My smile and chipper mood disappeared. I started doodling again, making sure it wasn’t the first letter of his name again. Maybe that was why he didn’t want to go to the party with me. Maybe he saw me doodling the first initial of his name and thought I was too weird and clingy for liking him already. I cocked my eyes over to see what he was doing. He was staring down at a piece of paper also doodling. He was making small letter a’s. My stomach churned. Or maybe instead of me being the reason why he didn’t want to go to the party with me it was because he had another girl in mind. That devastated me. I turned and looked back at the somewhat blank piece of paper on my desk. I didn’t feel like doodling anymore. I just sat there and listened to Mrs. Martinez all hour. That last little bit of conversation with Masin really put a damper on my mood.

  I barely talked at lunch. Marlee and Taylor were in good spirits, but I wasn’t. I just sat there like a ghost, watching them without saying a word, and feeling invisible. When we got back to school I was afraid to go into class because I knew he would be there. More sadness filled my body when I walked through the doorway and he was sitting in a completely different spot, people already sitting around him. He didn’t even look at me. He had good hearing. Taylor and Marlee were laughing and talking loudly. The three of us were always together. He knew I was there.

  What had I done wrong? I kept asking myself all throughout the rest of the day. That was all I could think about. I couldn’t even concentrate on watching the volleyball matches in P.E. My thoughts were all about Masin and what had gone wrong. By the time the bell rang, I rushed out to my car without changing or saying goodbye to Marlee and Taylor. I rushed home and went straight to my room. I didn’t eat dinner that night. I couldn’t. I was sick to my stomach. So, I took my pain meds and crawled into bed. My bubbling thoughts in my head and the exhaustion I felt made me fall right asleep.

  ****

  The rest of the week was exactly the same. He never looked my way or said a word to me. Taylor and Marlee argued about more unnecessary subjects. Zack’s party
ended up getting canceled because his grandma died hunting with her husband. She was attacked by an unknown animal and the police haven’t found the grandpa yet. Besides going over to Zack’s with my family to give them flowers and food, I barely talked to anybody over the weekend. I stayed up in my room and watched TV. The weather had gotten worse so I couldn’t go sit by the canal to clear my thoughts. I felt sad and trapped. Who knew Masin Baines would have so much power over my mood and thoughts? Who knew that I would’ve gained a crush on him in that short amount of time? Who knew that that week was going to be full of a lot of ups and downs and full of emotional and physical pain? Who knew that was all going to happen? Who knew?

  Five

  Tomorrow I would start the second week of school. The whole weekend was full of mixed feelings. My pride made me want to completely ignore Masin and act like I didn’t even notice him. I also felt the urge to skip class and not care anymore. The other feelings were better. I wanted to make Masin talk to me and not pretend that I wasn’t there. I wanted to work on my happiness. I wanted to go back to the student I used to be- straight a’s, listener, motivated. So, that’s what I decided to do. My new goal was to completely better myself and make Masin want me.

  Mom usually didn’t work Sundays so most of the time we did a fun activity as a family. Sometimes we had a movie marathon, a game day, or sometimes we went bowling. But not this Sunday. Mom had fallen behind on laundry and keeping the house clean. She needed to catch up. That left me with nothing to do. I was bored and my thoughts of school the next day and having to see Masin angered me. But remembering my new goal, I tried to let go of the anger, but I was thinking about every possible thing that could go wrong. I was stressing myself out. I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

  I decided to go for a drive. After miles of turns and corners, I ended up at my unplanned destination- Marlee’s house. Her mom answered the door.

  “Hi, Kallie. She’s down in her room.”