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  I smiled and nodded my head okay. “Thanks.” I said walking past her towards the stairs. Her door was cracked open. She was listening to music and writing in her journal I got her for her seventeenth birthday. She loved writing.

  “Hey, Mar, what are you writing.” I asked walking through her doorway.

  She closed her book. “Nothing important”

  “Another song?” I guessed.

  She loved writing songs. She put her heart into them. They meant something. They weren’t meaningless like other songs in the music world. Her songs were amazing.

  She nodded her head yes. She looked ashamed of herself. “Marlee follow your dreams. You want to be a songwriter. Be a songwriter. Your passion isn’t to be a lawyer. It’s only your dad’s passion.”

  “I can’t be a songwriter, or singer. I can’t be a musician. My grandpa was a lawyer. My dad is a lawyer. My mother is a lawyer. My little sister already has her office planned out. My family is based on being lawyers. I can’t disappoint them.”

  I was thinking about what to say. Trying to find words, Marlee’s mom spoke, “Your door was open.”

  “You heard!” Marlee’s face got bright red and angry tears puddled her eyes. “You eavesdropped!”

  I got up to leave the room. I didn’t want to, though. Marlee was close to completely breaking down. She never wanted her mom to find out. I wanted to be there for her, but she needed to talk to her mom. I walked into Madison’s room, Marlee’s sister. “Hey Madi.”

  “Hello. Do you need something? I’m kind of busy now.”

  “What are you doing?”

  She spun around. “I’m trying to find different classes I can take for Mock trials. But none of the teachers seem sophisticated enough.”

  Marlee wasn’t exaggerating. Her family was crazy about being lawyers. I walked away and Marlee’s mom and I entered the corridor at the same time. She smiled and went upstairs. I quickly hurried into Marlee’s room. She looked calm.

  “She’s fine with me writing music.”

  “That’s great!” I exclaimed. Looking at her face, she didn’t look excited as she should have been. “Why aren’t you jumping up and down? This has been all that you’ve wanted. You never wanted to be lawyer. Now you don’t have to be.”

  “Something about my mom was different. She was upset.”

  “Understandable. You just told her that you want to be a musician. Meadows aren’t musicians or anything else. All of your ancestors were lawyers.”

  “I don’t think it was just that. Something else bothered her.”

  “Marlee, you’re headed down the path you’ve dreamed of. Focus on you.”

  “I’ve always felt different. It’s crazy to live in this family and not dream of being a lawyer. What’s wrong with me?”

  “Music chose you.”

  “I don’t even know where to start.’

  “You will figure it out.”

  She smiled, thanking me for my encouragement. “Why did you come here? Aren’t you supposed to be out bowling or something?”

  I let my heart talk. I started with how I felt about Masin. How confused I was with what happened. How gushy he made me feel on the inside. How easily it was for him to make my mood change. How I felt like an idiot for having a crush on someone that had somebody else in mind, and how I then hated every name that started with the letter A. I told her how crazy I felt. I told her everything. I don’t know what I was looking for. She couldn’t fix my problems. She couldn’t change reality. I guess, I just needed to get it out, so it wasn’t all piled up in me.

  Before she could talk, I jumped up in a hurry. It was almost time for dinner. I said goodbye and rushed out to my car. I lived a street over. Same with Taylor. I made it home at an appropriate time. Fifteen minutes until dinner. Kiley and Will were setting the table. I laid down on the couch with an ice pack on my nose. My eyelids were fluttering. I had a challenging time staying awake. Right before I went into a deep sleep my mother woke me up for dinner. I didn’t want to, but I managed to get up. At dinner while we were eating mom’s homemade macaroni and cheese, it wasn’t as quiet as it normally was. My siblings told everyone around the table about their first week of school. Again, I was quiet about the topic of school. Kiley made a new friend that just moved from Australia. Will liked his teacher this year. In past years Will had never liked any of his teachers. It was very odd hearing those words come out of my brother’s mouth. Sam had every class with her boyfriend, and her best friend, Stacy, from past years surprised her by moving back home.

  My mother turned towards me. “You are sure quiet, Kallie.”

  “Long day. I’m exhausted.” I said.

  I only told half the truth. Yes, I was exhausted. But that wasn’t why I wasn’t talking. I didn’t want to talk about my week at school and I didn’t want Sam or my mom questioning me about it. I got up and cleared my dishes. I took my pain med. I needed it. I told my mom and siblings goodnight and went up to bed. Lila and Salem were sitting on my bed. They both looked at me and wagged their tails. I giggled. They made me happy. I brushed my teeth and crawled into bed between the two dogs. They both curled up next to me. Lila put her head on my chest, and Salem put his on my stomach. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

  I woke up from the pain of my nose. It was four in the morning. Salem and Lila were dead asleep. I slightly moved them over and got off my bed. I wetted a rag with cold water and crawled back into bed, putting the cold rag on my nose. I couldn’t go back to sleep. Masin was on my mind. It was like he was stuck to it. I wanted to stop thinking about him. I wanted to forget about him. But no matter how hard I tried he never left my mind. I was losing sleep because of him.

  Every few minutes I would look at my alarm clock. Time was going by terribly slow. Lila and Salem kept climbing on top of me. I don’t know how many times I had to push them off and scoot them to their side of the bed. I was cramped and tired. Salem started snoring and with that, I was irritated. Very irritated. I stayed calm and tried my best to ignore him. Finally, the clock read 6:00 a.m. I got up even though it was thirty minutes earlier than usual. To pass the time, I stood in the warm shower longer than usual.

  I wiped my bathroom mirror with a dry rag. The steam from the shower had fogged it up. I then saw my blurry reflection. The color from the bruising on my nose was starting to fade. That made me a little bit happier, but I still felt grumpy. It was cold in my room, so I changed in a hurry. Lila and Salem were still dead asleep. I was jealous. I could still be sleeping if I had slept last night. I couldn’t believe I was jealous of my dogs. I felt pathetic.

  I put on a white shirt with bold, black lettering saying, “Salty Little Beach” with a black jacket over it and black skinny jeans, and black Vans. I straightened my hair and put on my usual mascara. I had a lot of extra time, so I took my time fixing and eating eggs and bacon. I also ate three bowls of a sugar cereal. I took my pain med in a hurry after filling my stomach up with food. I woke Lila and Salem up, took them outside so they could go to bathroom, and then locked them up in the laundry room. It was getting colder and colder each day. There was no way I was going to leave Salem and Lila out in their kennel. They would freeze. Still, with twenty minutes until school I left the house anyways. I was the only car in the parking lot where the students park. I turned my heat on low and laid my seat back. I was tired. I was going to sleep. I put a timer on my phone to wake me up when there was ten minutes until class started. I fell asleep and I didn’t hear a sound. I didn’t hear any other kids getting out of their cars or anything. I was in a deep sleep and it felt amazing.

  I woke up in a start. I looked at the clock in my car. I was fifteen minutes late to class! I must’ve shut my timer on my phone off. I had several texts from Marlee and Taylor. In a hurry, I jumped out of my car and sprinted into the school. Since I was so late, I had to check in, which took even longer because Wendy wanted to ask where I was. I’m sure she was going to report everything to my mom once I turned my back. I rushed down the hall and straight into the class. I was louder than I intended. All eyes were on me. All eyes except for his. I didn’t see Masin anywhere. The guy sitting in the spot Masin usually sat in was Timothy Tellswood. He must’ve transferred into the class. He wasn’t in it last week. It upset me when I saw Timothy in Masin’s spot. But I guess it really wasn’t his spot anymore since he stopped sitting by me. I sat down in the spot Marlee had her bag in. They were dying to know where I was and why. They were staring at me with curious eyes and they were almost off their seats.

  “I didn’t sleep at all last night and I got here early, and I fell asleep.” I quickly exclaimed.

  The teacher’s eyes were on me. She looked frustrated. “Miss Wells, please tell me what your excuse is for showing up fifteen minutes late and running in here disturbing my class.”

  I swallowed. I was starting to go red and heat up with embarrassment. “I was sleeping. Sorry Miss Thurgood, it won’t happen again.”

  She took a deep breath in and turned her eyes away from my face. I exhaled in relief. I pulled out my notebook and pencil to take notes. It was the first day of learning. To make up the information I missed earlier, I copied Marlee’s notes. The lesson was easy. Of course, it was the first lesson, and they would get harder throughout the school year. That gave me anxiety. But instead of stressing myself out about it, I just made myself concentrate on what Miss Thurgood was teaching. Twenty-five minutes into class, Masin walked in. He wasn’t as loud as I was. I didn’t even hear him. I only realized it when I looked up when the teacher stopped talking.

  “Apologies for being late, Miss Thurgood.”

  “No worries Masin. It won’t count against you this time. Next time it will.”

  He smiled at her, thanking her. My mouth dropped. Fire shot through my body. I was fuming with anger. Why was it okay for him to be late and not me? Because he’s new and perfect? With my eyes stuck to him, I followed him. He walked down the aisle and stopped by Timothy.

  “Excuse me, but you’re in my seat.”

  Timothy looked at him annoyed and frustrated. I would be too if somebody did that to me. But I didn’t feel bad for Timothy. I got to sit by Masin, and I reminded myself of my new goal. Timothy stomped to the back of the room and sat in an empty desk I didn’t even know was there. He didn’t say anything more, which was good. I wouldn’t want them getting into a fight. But I’m not actually sure if Masin would fight somebody over a small thing like that. Masin sat down and looked at me. I tried not look at him. Play hard to get. Make him want you. Don’t make it obvious you want him I told myself. In the corner of my eye, I could just see him staring. I couldn’t resist looking. All feelings came to me when I looked right at him. I could hardly breathe. I could never breathe when I looked at him.

  “Hi.” He said with a whisper.

  More and more butterflies. “Hello.” I replied without looking at him. I had turned back my attention to the teacher. I felt his beautiful eyes locked on me. Still, I didn’t look. I focused on Miss Thurgood and multitasked by also working on the homework. Did I want to? No. Did I just want to stare at Masin the whole class? Yes. Did I? No. Was I proud of myself? Very much so.

  The bell rang and I grabbed my stuff and headed to second hour with Taylor and Marlee. We sat down in our usual spots and I anxiously waited for Masin to walk in and sit by me. I tried not to smile when I saw him walk through the doorway. The urge to smile instantly when away I saw him sit in a different spot on the other side of the room. He looked at me and that time he didn’t smile. I looked away like I wasn’t looking in the first place. He knew I was, though. I looked back and his face was cold and hard. He looked angry or that he hated me. I glared at him and looked away.

  I felt angry the rest of the class, but I still focused on the lesson and never looked at him again. I felt his eyes on me a lot. I distracted myself with notes and the homework assignment. The bell rang and I turned towards Marlee and Taylor as I packed up my stuff. Conversation arose and we were off to the next class. We were some of the only ones in the classroom. More and more kids filled the room, including Masin. He came and sat down by me. I was so confused.

  “Are you okay?” He asked.

  “Why wouldn’t I be?” I asked as an answer to his question.

  “That was a pretty deathly glare.”

  “Can’t say you didn’t deserve it.”

  “You’re not wearing your ‘kiss my sass’ shirt today. Isn’t that a little ironic?”

  I half smiled. “You deserve the sass.” I said as I looked at him.

  He grinned. Why was he grinning?

  “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

  “Who said I’m mad?”

  “Are you?”

  “No.”

  “That’s a lie.” He said. I didn’t say anything back. “Why are you mad?”

  “I’m not, Masin.” I said getting irritated with him saying that I’m mad.

  “Kallie?”

  I looked at him. He really wanted to know. “You’re confusing and it gets irritating.” I answered honestly.

  “I apologize. How about we start over?” I looked at him. He put out his hand to shake mine. I put my hand in his. Electricity flowed through my body when we touched, and my heart was pounding. When he let go, all that was left were butterflies in my stomach.

  “Do you want to do something on Saturday?” He asked.

  I was screaming, yes, yes, yes! on the inside. I calmed my excitement down so I could talk without sounding too eager. During that time, I remembered that I had volleyball tryouts on Friday and Saturday. I looked at him and he was staring at me intently, waiting for me to give him an answer.

  “I would love to…but I have volleyball tryouts that day.”

  “That’s right. I forgot that you play sports.”

  By the sound of his voice, I could tell there was another meaning behind those words.

  “Is that a bad thing? Me playing sports?”

  “Yes…and…no.”

  “Please do explain.”

  “You’re going to be all caught up with practices and games. If you think about it, you have no time to live the high school life. You will only be focused on schoolwork and sports. Where’s the fun?”

  “Playing is fun.”

  “If you step outside a small town of just sports and school, you would be surprised how things would change for you.”

  “What about the good part of me playing sports?”

  He smiled and gave out a little laugh. “It makes you even cuter.”

  I blushed. I could not believe I was blushing! There was an absence of speech. I thought about what he said about stepping outside of just sports and school. What else could be out there for a teenager that really does need to focus on school?

  “Is it ever sunny in Shadow Beach, Oregon?” He asked.

  I looked up at him. I hadn’t quite heard everything he said. Just parts of it.

  “So, it’s not just me.” I whispered under my breath, not meaning to say out loud. He looked at me, confused. I shook my head to get my sense back. “Some days it’s really gloomy but not like this for two weeks straight.” He just stared at me. “What?” I asked.

  “Why did you say it was just you seeing how gloomy it is?”

  I laughed to give out the impression that it was nothing serious. “No reason.” I said. But by the facial expression he was giving me, I didn’t fool him. He knew there was a reason behind it, and it wasn’t so funny.

  Six

  The bell rang, saving me. I gathered up my class supplies and headed out. Marlee and Taylor were shortly by my side. I wasn’t paying attention to what they were talking about. I was thinking about Masin and I couldn’t get his image out of my head. Every time he spoke to me, I could feel myself shake. Either my hands or legs. I was losing words. I was feeling gushy and giddy. When I walked into my third hour class, he was already in a seat. I thought it was weird. I left before him and didn’t seem him pass me in the hall. But I was also completely oblivious to what was happening around me. I sat down by him.

  “What’s your favorite color?” He randomly asked.

  I looked at him noticing his eyes. “Blue.” I answered.

  “Blue like the sky? Or blue like the ocean?”

  “Blue like your eyes.” I said without realizing I had said it out loud.

  He smiled. I couldn’t move. I was frozen with embarrassment. I didn’t know how to act or what to say. The words had just slipped out of my mouth without my control.

  “Your eyes remind me of the ocean.” He said moving on from what I had just said.

  I blushed. But I was glad he didn’t say anything about my last comment. The rest of the class hour and the next one after was full of questions for each other. He did most of the asking but I felt like I was getting to know him a little bit better. The one weird answer that stuck out for me was that his favorite food was deer. But no matter how weird that was to me, I moved on from it. The whole week we talked. Teachers were getting mad at us because we were disrupting their class and we weren’t paying attention. By the time the weekend came around I felt like we were getting to be good friends. It felt like I had told him almost everything about me. As I laid on my soft, violet comforter on my bed, I was starting to realize he had barely told me anything about him. I didn’t know anything about his family, hometown, or past. I only knew a few of his likes and dislikes: he liked hunting and sports but couldn’t play anymore because he tore his ACL his freshman year. He didn’t like it when it was too hot and bright outside. He liked it when it was overcast.

  I had been lying on my bed for over an hour thinking about Masin. Another thought moved to my head. Something he had said. He was right about me being busy with practices and games, but why did that matter to him? What was outside of sports and extra-curricular activities during high school? How would I find out for myself if I didn’t try it out? Did I need to quit volleyball? I could’ve. I would still have basketball. What if it doesn’t go right? What if sports are everything for me and I ruin it by trying something new? Tryouts started in two hours and I was thinking about quitting. I needed an answer. I got off my bed and grabbed my jacket on my way out of my room. I ran downstairs and grabbed my purse. I needed to talk to my mom. She always knew what was best for me. But that did mean I would have to tell her about Masin. Knowing that that would be an obstacle, I took a deep breath in and headed for the kitchen door. I could feel the cold metal handle on the palm of my hand ready to turn the knob and leave. Right then, the doorbell rang. I was going to let my siblings answer it, but then I remembered I was the only one home. I sighed and walked through the living room. I swung the door open expecting that on the other side of the door would be a UPS or FedEx person with a package. But it wasn’t. I was completely shocked to see Masin standing right in front of me at my doorway. I instantly smiled.